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Friday, August 27, 2010
Boss is EVIL..... He's trying to tempt me to stay!
hahaah... i actually feel guilty to resign....
but...
I've got it! I've been accepted by Jetstar Asia!
=DDD
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Just had a long chat with Boss. the best boss any company could ever have.
but i hate it that he's trying to make me stay cuz it only makes it even harder for me to leave.
its just that he keep saying i have the potential and shouldnt waste it. but i feel like im actually too depressed to do any work which is very irresponsible.
I know for sure that if Jetstar calls me, i will leave.
but im not sure if Jetstar rejects me, will i still leave?
there's so many uncertainties.
- i am this stressed in 4 months. imagine 10 months. would i have killed myself?
- staying sales? buyer? or buyer assistant?
- do i really want to leave a good working environment?
- would this episode of emotional turmoil repeat itself?
For now, im just debating whether i should leave even before Jetstar reveals the results cuz of the following :
- i can take a break and just take the time to handle and find myself.
- i wont be wasting anybody else's time.
- accts now under me can be passed to someone with more capabilities.
- i dont wanna stay and end up still have to leave.
- disappoint my colleagues and boss early, rather den to leave them hanging in the air and den break their hearts again..
HOW?!!??!?!?!
i think im going to a tremendous amount of stress. and with a history of depression, i do not want another relapse. but i dont know how. maybe i'll go run on the treadmill and cry out loud later.
Anxiety - yep Chronic anxiety - not yet Overwhelming worry - yep Difficulty with decisions - yep Difficulting thinking clearly - yep Loss of confidence - yes Loss of hope - super yes Physical symptoms - ?? Sleep disorders - yep Difficulty concentrating - yes Irritability - superYES Upset stomach - nope Job dissatisfaction - YES Low morale -YES Depression - YES
Might as well go kill myself
Signs and symptoms of Stress :
- Memory problems - yes
- Inability to concentrate - yes
- Poor judgment - not sure
- Seeing only the negative - yes
- Anxious or racing thoughts - yes
- Constant worrying - yes
- Moodiness - super YES
- Irritability or short temper - super YES
- Agitation, inability to relax - super yes
- Feeling overwhelmed - super yes
- Sense of loneliness and isolation - super YES
- Depression or general unhappiness - super super YES
- Aches and pains - not really
- Diarrhea or constipation - nope
- Nausea, dizziness - yes to the dizziness
- Chest pain, rapid heartbeat - nope
- Loss of sex drive - yes
- Frequent colds - nope
- Eating more or less - eating less
- Sleeping too much or too little - sleeping too little
- Isolating yourself from others - yes
- Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities - yes and im guilty for it
- Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax - not at the moment
- Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing) - yes
- Palpitations - nope
- Overbreathing - i think so. but i do have history of hyperventilating
- Muscle tension - nope
- Headache - yes
- Back ache - nope
- Aches and pains - nope
- Poor posture - dont think so..
- Joint pain - nope
- Muscle pain - nope
- Sweating - nope
- Digestive symptoms - nope
Might as well go kill myself
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Was suppose to go back to work today but took leave again for the Jetstar Intl interview.
I got a call to go back for the 2nd round interview which is today.
Reached darn early today at 8am when im suppose to reach at 8.45am. Went to tie up my hair etc etc and proceeded to the room.
Had some briefing, den games and den selection.
A very very nerve wrecking experience.
I was almost disappointed when they called quite a number of people, i was the last few thats being called out.
My heart stopped when i heard my name.
Happy but quite disappointed as my friend didnt get in.
After lunch was another briefing, and den a one-to-one interview and on to the swimming test. The pool was super small. i was expecting something bigger. just 15m and we only had to do 2 laps, just back and fro.
and now, we're just waiting for the results to be out in another maybe 1 to 2 weeks, maybe even up to 3 weeks.
My boss called while i was waiting for the 2nd round results. I actually hate that they're trying my make me stay, because it only makes me more guilty and more upset. They are the best colleague and boss anyone could wish for. And i still disappoint them. Sigh.
Sorry people.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
i've made my decision and told my BFF that i am going to tender tomorrow.
I can never be her. she excels in her work, but i know i can never be half as good as her.
Each day going to work is depressing. I feel alone even though i have my best friend by my side.
I feel like im destroying the potential accounts that are under my care right now and i am not going to be able to do a good job with it.
I know she's not going to be happy with my decision, and im not so sure if i am going to be happy with my own decision, but i know for sure i dont want to drag my feet to work everyday and want to cry in office everyday.
Sorry babe, i know i have let you down. And i know somehow this issue is going to always be in the back of our minds and causing a little disrupt with our friendship. I hope you forgive me.
I feel loserish and i am super duper depressed. esp when recent interviews are not going well.
I feel depressed and i just wanna go kill myself. GRRRR.
I HATE MYSELF.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Jetstar interview today. I have to admit that i do feel that it is more fun and more fair den any other airlines interview.
Met alot of people, but sadly, i forgot to get any of their contacts or facebook ID.
Im having quite high hopes on this recruitment, but... i don't wanna give too much hopes and will be very disappointed if i dont get through.
I have actually mad my decision whether to leave my company. but i am not going to post it out here just yet, because i want to tell my BFF face to face. i don't want her to learn of the news here.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Qatar Airways interview for me has ended. Some lucky hopefuls have been selected to go through the final interview tomorrow, but not me.
I dont know to be sad or thankful. Because half of me really wants it quite badly, but half of me kinda not want to get it.
But i must say, it again caused my self esteem to drop a little.
The interview process started yesterday where we have to go and submit our CV. I went with this girl, Chu Ting, whom i met from Flowerpod.com
She's so nice and we clicked at once. after the submission, we went to have Mac breakfast.
I was napping when the call came for my interview the next day which is today. That really made me happy.
But today when i went there, i was quite alone. Imagine if i had to go to Doha. the loneliness.
I guess this is why i was not chosen too, cause i did not mingle around much. =/
We had this 3 hour briefing on Doha, Qatar, the pay, benefits, etc etc. and then the written English test. I felt like i did well in my English test. It consists of 4 sections. 3 MCQ and one Essay.
And during the test, they called us out for the reach test. I though for Asians, they will lower the mark of 212cm to 208cm. But it wasn't lowered. I wasn't able to reach it.
I tried my best to sit up straight and kept smiling at all times but i guess i wasn't good enough.
Come to think of it, they called me based on my CV and not keep me after the 1st round shows that i actually have a good CV, but my potential? I do not know.
My uncle was again, telling me the prospects of a Cabin Crew, (its not good, blah blah blah) but i know its my dream and passion and i will pursue it until i reach my goal. No matter how demoralizing, depressing it is to not be selected, i will continue~
Persevere Rebecca! You will be able to do it someday!
Friday, August 20, 2010
TGIF!!
i've been staying at my aunt's house for the past 2 nights and i believe it makes Phoenix a very happy girl!
( but i still miss Rainbow badly )
i was just looking thru Mark Lee's blog (i think its his wife's blog) and i got very very envious!
Look at him! an 'ah beng' now successful with a beautiful wife and kid. touring the earth and enjoying his life.
Shiok much.
I also wanna be successful and tour the earth. Oh pls let me nail the interview!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
damn sick with my work.
issues issues and non stop issues.
No PO = problem
Got PO = problem.
NOT my PO = problem
I think i am not suited to be sales.
Oh please let me fly.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I told my dearest BF that he has to propose with the candy ring below. But seems like its out of stock in SG. so anybody who knows where to buy it, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. if not i can never marry
=/
(Photo Credit : http://www.candywarehouse.com/ringpops.html)
i dont understand. why is it that on weekdays, i have trouble waking up to get to work, and even when i am at work, i feel so darn sleepy. too sleepy to actually do any work, hence time seemingly passing so slowly.
but during the weekends, i'll wake up at the same time that i usually wake up on weekdays, and have trouble going back to sleep cuz im too awake, feeling fresh and energized. -.-'''
its again mid week! meaning the weekends is coming real soon!! =))
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Happy 4 years and 11 months anniversary to me and my dearest BF. =D
Monday, August 16, 2010
monday blues!!!
and worst of all, my arms, legs and almost every muscle is aching frm gym session yesterday..
30 minutes of walking on the treadmill
10 minutes of jogging
10 minutes of the stepping thingy (like walking the stairs)
and 2 sets of the weights.
went to my aunt's house ytd again to get the curry chicken for 'potluck' in office.
and now super sleepy!!
why is it that when you force yourself to wake up for work, you'll be damn tired and on a weekend, your body just automatically wakes up and dont feel sleepy at all! =/
ok anyway, alone in office with boss. =/ cant do anything much~~
Friday, August 13, 2010
Sandwich party is over~
I love ya Andy!
Pictures should be up soon!!
Really gotta thank my dearest BF, cause he's such a nice guy. Some bf's would never allow their gfs to be a cabin crew cause of the long distance thing and all sorts of issues. I actually didnt know that anybody would mind their gf being a cabin crew until today. But dearest BF have always been very supportive of me in what ever i do. Even though wrong or right, he just supports me in his very best.
Yesterday when i told him im gonna try out Jetstar, and the pay is darn low, but all BF says, 'its ok, i'm here.' oh man, so touched. and den when i said im gonna try for Qatar (which means i need to relocate), all he said was 'don't worry, i'll wait for you. but lets ROM first if you really got in.'
I know i have the most wonderful BF (soon to be hubby) in the world but sometimes i take him for granted and things like this makes me appreciate him again. Though we have our problems and quarrels, he will always give in to me and love me unconditionally. =)
I love ya Andy!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Sandwich party tomorrow in the office! =DDD
I really love my colleagues. Such a fun bunch. But sad to say that i am gonna leave them if i can get into the Airline Industry.
I'll be trying out with Qatar next Saturday. A part of me hopes that i dont get in cuz i'll have to relocate to Doha. But a part of me really wants to get in for the adventure and sense of in-dependency. Also, its a test for me and my BF (for coming 5 years). if i get in, this opportunity will either strengthen or strain our relationship. So... we'll see how it goes.
I also sent in my resume to Jetstar. See if they call.. their pay is low, but i'll take it as a stepping stone. average can take home around 1.8/2k. But for Qatar, average take home 2.7-3k. quite a big difference uh.
Good luck to me!
Current work hasn't been going too well.. No orders lately, but luck MAY be changing cuz i managed to clear one past issue. So hopefully will be able to clear more...
Seems like i having been blogging everyday huh. Haha, shows that i got quite alot of rantings to do!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
i guess everybody has had their darkest days before. and the feeling of the unknown.
i am loving Eminem's Not Afraid. i guess i really need to man up and get rid of my fears.
Life's too short to worry and be afraid all the time. Need to loosen up.
I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road
.I need to breakaway from my boring lifestyle. it has become a boring routine.
6am - wake up
7am - leave house
7.30am - reach office
12pm - eat
6pm - leave office
6.30pm - reach home / eat
10pm - sleep
its the same thing i do everyday. sucks.
regrets fill my heart.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
i feel ridiculous, humiliated and totally like a fool.
After much decision making, i decided to live my dreams. Right?
wrong.
i didnt get into Silkair. not even the 2nd round for the one-to-one interview.
i have no freaking idea why. i mean if lets say the girls who got in is those super sexy, tall, chio, walk and talk like those upper class lady, i got nothing to say.
but in my group only 3 got in and only one has the quality to be a air stewardess.
i better not complain so much if not some people will think im eating sour grapes.
to summarize, 'the interviewers are kind of blind.'
to gain experience, im gonna go ahead and try out for qatar, emirates, cathay pacific, etc etc. who cares if i gotta relocate.
the Hungry Ghost Festival has begun. scary eh? time to be good and not go out late!
i slept at 10.30pm last night, woke up at 6.20pm and still freaking tired. just somehow, i did not sleep well despite the hours. =/
Thursday, August 5, 2010
i have decided,
i've missed too many interviews and chances to be a cabin crew. and so i am not going to miss another chance. yes, i am young, but do i have to wait for another 5 years before living my dreams? no way. what if i died in another 2 years. am i gonna die with regrets that i never lived my dreams? no way.
im just gonna go try out this coming interview and i will see how it goes. if i am fated to join the airline, i will get in, if not, den i'll just continue to work here until the next interview comes up.
i regret getting my tattoo. because of the tattoo, i cant try for SQ. grrrr.
actually now, im hoping to get in. wish me good luck!!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Im in a dilemma again!! =(
Its similiar to my troubles in June 09 when im torn in between to try for Qatar Airlines.
Silkair is recruiting.
and im hesitating to go for the interview cause of the below reasons :
1) i just started my job in the electronics industry
2) my best friend recommended me this job
3) boss treats me damn well. and he's super nice.
4) my basic pay here might be as good as silkair's basic (not too sure though)
but my heart soooooo wanna go because :
1) its been my ambition and dream to be an air stewardess.
2) my current job is needs alot of luck (which i do not have)
3) i feel like im disappointing my boss, and so i should go early and not prevent another sales from taking my accounts to do it well.
4) although it is shift work, etc, the stress period is only when u are on duty, when u are off duty, u have nothing to think about!
HOW!!!